90-10 Principle. How To Respond And Not React
I first heard about the 90-10 life principle in a yoga class. I find that we often hear an idea, phrase, or message and it resonates with us; however, we end up forgetting it. Unlike those instances, I retained the 90-10 principle.
The 90-10 Principle of Stephen Covey
Stephen Covey is the person who came up with the 90-10 principle. According to the principle,
10% of life is made up of what happens to us, and 90% of life is decided by how we react.ย
โย Stephen Covey
It sounds easy, right? You just have to start reacting better โ super simpleโฆ not. Living by this principle requires fundamental attitude changes and while it may be different to start making those alterations, the result is worth it.
How The 90-10 Principle Applies To Everyday Life
Let’s explore the principle’s application in everyday situations.
Scenario #1
Picture yourself sitting in an interview seat, waiting for the interviewer. You are in the midst of applying for a new position, one which you’ve dreamed of and worked towards for years.
The day of the interview arrived. You wake up, get yourself ready, and dress for success. You put on your favorite pair of shoes and head to the office.
Just as you open the door to enter the building, someone running late runs into you and steps on your shoes. Your favorite pair, your good-luck charm, is now muddy and impossible to clean.
You immediately get angry. You take your frustration on the person, calling them a few โnot so niceโ words, and hurry into the building. As you get into the elevator, you become even more agitated. Not only is the elevator full of individuals going up, but almost all of the buttons have been pressed so it will be quite a while until you make it up. You have now made it into the interview seat we started in, waiting for the interviewer.
As you get asked question after question, you find yourself struggling to formulate the right answers, the ones you know are necessary for your success. You leave the interview disappointed and proceed to blame the whole world for coming at you.
. . .
“If right now our emotional reaction to seeing a certain person or hearing certain news is to fly into a rage or to get despondent or something equally extreme, it’s because we have been cultivating that particular habit for a very long time.”
โ Pema Chodron
Scenario #2
Picture yourself sitting in an interview seat, waiting for the interviewer. You are in the midst of applying for a new position, one which you’ve dreamed of and worked towards for years.
The day of the interview arrived. You wake up, get yourself ready, and dress for success. You put on your favorite pair of shoes and head to the office.
Just as you open the door to enter the building, someone running late runs into you and steps on your shoes. Your favorite pair, your good-luck charm, is now muddy and impossible to clean.
While unhappy with the state of your shoes, you consider the fact that this could have happened to anyone and that you yourself have been in a hurry before, possibly acting a bit recklessly towards others. You take a deep breath and focus on why you are here and how you can stay focused on the task.
The interviewer is running a few minutes late. It is not how you planned it, but the delay gives you a few minutes to relax before the interview starts. You can even go through your introduction. During the interview, you are calm and focused. You follow the conversation with more attention, responding well to questions. You leave the interview satisfied with the way it went and how you presented yourself.
Two different scenarios. They both started the same but ended differently. The reason? Your reaction. Our reaction to any given situation has the power to alter it immensely.
. . .
“In general, there are no bad experiences. For all experiences have value in the quest for wisdom.”
โย Theophilus
Respond Don’t React
In the vast majority of our social encounters, we have no control over what others choose to say or do. We encounter bad situations, perhaps more often than we do good. The one thing we do have control over, however, is our reaction to these situations. We can either allow them to overwhelm us and take control of our day/week/month/year, or we can respond to them in a positive manner and take control of their impact.
Time after time, we live dependent on our emotions. The key to a balanced and happier living is in our response to the challenging situations we face every day.
“Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.”
โย Mia Hamm
Conclusion
Change of attitude is possible. It is not a matter of ability but rather oneโs willingness to make a conscious change.
Persons following the 90-10 principle maintain a more positive outlook. They manage stress well. Achieving this may require a change in attitude and an effort to maintain a positive attitude. Be mindful of your reactions and way of communicating with others. Consider how you react when you disagree with others. Give yourself a bit of time before responding to a situation (do you remember the counting to 10 technique?)
Applying the 90-10 principle to your life can change your life for the better. Focus on what matters, not what happens around you.
If you would like to talk to someone who can support you on a life journey, please contact me. I am offering a free 1-hour discovery session for new clients with no strings attached. Let’s work together to get you on the road to becoming the best version of yourself.
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