Solomon’s Paradox – Do Not Listen To Yourself

Solomon’s Paradox – we tend to reason more wisely about other people’s problems than our own.
Source: Google

King Solomon

King Solomon is said to be one of the wisest rulers of ancient times. People traveled long distances to seek his wisdom in resolving their problems.

One of the best-known stories is the dispute between two women claiming to be a child’s mother. King Solomon asked for a sword and said he would cut the child in two so that both women could have part of the child. One woman said if she couldn’t have the child, nobody should. The other cried, asking the king to give the child to the other woman and not hurt him. The king gave the child to the second woman, the clear mother, who cared for and loved the child.

King Solomon was very good at giving other people advice and not so good about his own life decisions. He was wise and powerful. He took hundreds of wives and gained incredible wealth. However,  he didn’t raise his own son to be a good ruler, ultimately destroying his own kingdom.

The logic suggests it should be easier to make good decisions for ourselves. We know ourselves better. But the reality is very different. It is much easier to counsel others than it is to make good decisions about our own life.

When we give advice, we are distant and reason better. We base the recommendation on facts and common sense. When we make decisions about our own lives, we rely on feelings and emotions – we sabotage ourselves. 

Life!

Picture this: a friend comes to you with a problem. Her brother is getting married in two weeks. Her boss asked everyone in her team to work over this weekend on an urgent project. Every team member has already committed to coming in and finishing the project; however, she is the most junior staff member and feels uncomfortable bailing on the team. What should she do?

You think for a second and suggest that she talk to her supervisor, and explain her situation. She could additionally offer to work after hours during the next two weeks to complete her share of the work. This way, she can complete the task and still attend her brother’s wedding.

Your friend may find herself wondering why she didn’t think of this solution herself. It is logical, but often when we are under pressure, we struggle to make good decisions. We usually come up with a solution when it is too late to do anything about it. Life, right?

The Science Behind It

In 2013, Igor Grossmann, a social-cognitive scientist at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, conducted experiments on the existence of Solomon’s Paradox; moreover, on whether it could be avoided or prevented.

In his findings, he noted three interesting discoveries. Here’s an excerpt from the research article:

“People are wiser when reasoning about others’ problems than when reasoning about their own problems. In addition, our results demonstrate that self-distancing reduces this asymmetry in wise reasoning, whereas aging does not, contrary to what some recent research might lead one to expect.”

Essentially, he discovered that:

• People have wiser reasoning when advising others
• Self-distancing from oneself helps with making better decisions
• People don’t get wiser in decision-making as they age

The third discovery took me by surprise as it is a common understanding that wisdom comes with age. My intake on this is that wisdom comes with having the correct perspective on the situation.

The Solution

The solution to Solomon’s Paradox is self-distancing. If we can see the problem from the perspective of a third party, we will make better decisions. 

In theory, this sounds easy to achieve. Still, it is challenging to self-distance when you are in a difficult situation. There are so many emotions running through your mind.

Self-Distancing Tips

Here are a few tips on how to self-distance:

• Take a time-out. Go for a short walk or tend to another task so that your mind will shift to another place.
• Drink a glass of water or a cup of tea/coffee. Try to relax. Being tense doesn’t help.
• Think of something positive that you have in your life.
• If time allows, call a trusted friend with whom you can discuss your thoughts. Two heads are better than one.

If you cannot view the embedded video, you can view it directly on YouTube.
If you are interested in Professor Grossmann’s study, you can view the research article here.

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Did you make bad decisions while relying on your emotions? Did you find other ways to distance yourself while making decisions? Please share your experiences below, so others can also learn from them. If you’d like you can contact me directly.

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