How to Lose a Guy in One Pizza Bite

I have come to appreciate how much one can find out about others without even directly communicating with them – all you must do is sit (or stand) and observe their behavior. 

I love to observe the communication you can’t hear. In doing so, I can always figure out who likes who, who doesn’t want to be there, and who is too shy to speak within a group. This is how I know my family and friends’ moods and whether something is bothering them.

The devil is in the details.

I wish I had known about the science, and power, of body language when I was younger. Perhaps I could have become a spy or a secret service agent. Well, probably not – I am too mellow for this kind of work.

Jokes aside, this is a very good skill to have. It can save you from a lot of trouble and give you an advantage in your everyday activities. 

Your posture, manners, facial expressions are all part of non-verbal communication. Even the smallest twitch in the eye or look in a certain direction can tell a lot about us. Many people know about this. They learn how to use it to their advantage. Imagine going to a job interview being able to detect how your answers are received. You can adjust your behavior to change the outcome.

The Last Bite

The story I am about to tell you is that of a time where I ignored a guy’s body language until it was too late – until he ate the last bite of my pizza. 🍕

Let’s call him Sam. Sam was an interesting and somewhat eccentric guy. He was intelligent and captivating to talk to. We had a lot in common and naturally we became attracted to each other.

After we started going out, I started noticing small things in his behavior. I considered whether  there was another side to him but I didn’t dig too deep into this. I was young and I was in love; thus,I assumed it was my imagination, not him.

One evening, we went out for dinner. We ordered pizzas. The evening was going well, the conversation was as entertaining as usual, life was good. We worked through our pizzas, chatting about work, friends, and holiday plans.

He finished his pizza and I was at the end of mine. I had one more bite left on my plate. As always, I had left the best bite for last. As I reached to take it he leaned forward, grabbed it, and ate it. 

NO! YOU DIDN’T!

This was the moment when I realized what was bothering me the whole time. I was going out with an egocentric person.

He must have seen the look on my face because he immediately offered to order another pizza for me to take home.

“No,” I said. “We are through. A person who can take someone’s last bite, without any consideration, cannot be a person I can trust.”

 And just like this, the relationship was over. I never looked back. I never regretted the decision; in fact, I felt as if I dodged a bullet.

In retrospect, I should have seen the signs much earlier. I should have observed more and assumed less.

Other small instances were also revealing about his character. There wasn’t anything wrong with them as individual actions. But, when manifested through one person over a period of time they became a pattern of behavior.

Lessons I learned From This Relationship

• Make decisions based on facts, not assumptions
• Give people a chance, but be alert. Watch out for nonverbal communication.
• People are not perfect, we all make mistakes. If you start seeing a pattern of behavior, this could be a warning sign for a possible problem down the road
• Don’t excuse a bad attitude because you like the guy*. Respect yourself.
• Reevaluate your behavior as well. Are you enabling the person to act this way? If so, make the necessary changes. It is for your own good.
• Last but not least. Have you eaten someone else’s last bite? Don’t do it again!

Conclusion

Last year, during the lockdown, I came across an online course on body language at CentreOfExcellence.com. Of course, I signed up and enjoyed it very much. I learned a ton about my own body language and how much communication is done without any verbal language. 

During my studies, I remembered this story and the lessons I learned from it. It brought the realization of how the hardship in our lives shapes us into becoming stronger and more resilient individuals. Since then I started observing people more and trying to put in place what I learned to help me in my own life.

What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

* In my case it was a guy, but this applies to anyone in any kind of relationship, whether intimate, family, or business.

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Do you have any knowledge or experience with using consciously nonverbal communication? How did you learn about this? Please share your experiences below, so others can also learn from them. If you’d like you can contact me directly.

I offer a free 1-hour discovery session for new clients. I would love to talk to you and help you get on the road to becoming the best version of you.

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I am here for you!