Is There Life After Motherhood?

My Callings

In high school, I was busy studying textile design. Despite my interests in art and design, I chose to change my intended career and went to study Law. I earned a master’s degree in law only to return back to my initial passion for art, never working a single job in the field. I grew and developed my handmade art business for 11 years, turning my love for creativity into a job I could work while still taking care of my three children. I am 48 now and I’ve again switched career paths. “The perfect time for a career change” is likely one of the last things you think of when you hear 48 and yet, I’m currently running a wellness blog while studying to become a life coach. 

Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere. And sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.

. . .

A few weeks ago, I noticed a Facebook post from a woman searching for advice on whether she was too old to pursue a new career after being a stay-at-home mom for the past eight years. Her post resonated with me, as I too had encountered the same doubts following my time as a full-time, stay-at-home mom. I decided to share my story with the woman, hoping that she may feel encouraged to pursue her passions and find a new career she loves.

This outpour of responses to my reply made me recognize the reality that so many women encounter and suffer through after time away from the workforce; more specifically, after time spent as stay-at-home mothers. Many live with the notion that they are unequipped to reenter the workforce because of the time they took off to raise their children and many don’t know where to begin the process.

My Message

Let me start with my response to the original question. This is what I wrote:

“Hi Anon, I went through these feelings and emotions twice in my life. I have three kids, and I was a stay home mom for eight years. I left a job I loved (graphic and web designer) when my husband and I started a family. I never regretted it. Even now (my kids are 14, 16, and 18), I think the years I spent raising them were the best years of my life and the most meaningful thing I have ever done (personal opinion from personal experience).

But after 4-5 years of being a full-time mom and a housewife, I started feeling I was losing myself. We never had a nanny, a helper, or a nearby living family to help us with raising our kids. I was there 24/7/365.

. . .

Many older women around me kept telling me that there was time for everything in our lives and that this was a season in my life. They told me to enjoy my time with the kids because they grew up fast, and the time to be with them was limited. Once gone, it could not be retrieved. They also said that I would find my new calling when the time was right and knew what to do. I thought they were crazy and I would lose my mind in diaper changing, feeding, cooking, etc.

There is no right time there is just time and what you choose to do with it.
―Benjamin Franklin

Eight years after becoming a full-time mom, I experienced synchronicity that led me in a new direction. In a period of a couple of months, a few friends showed me and talked to me about their self-made jewelry pieces made out of wire and beads. My husband also brought me a necklace made with wire. So I started making jewelry as a hobby. I opened an Etsy shop to sell the jewelry I was making to free up space in my work area. Slowly through customers’ requests and working with wire, I became a wire artist. I started a business, I was featured in magazines, and my designs were sold in boutiques and big stores like Nordstrom (US). A few years later, we moved to Singapore. I continued running my business remotely. The art business continued for ten years.

. . .

Then COVID came. Shipping to the US became almost impossible, and I had to scale down. At the same time, close friends and family started going through anxiety, stress, and mild depression. I started reading about this, and one thing led to another. I am now the proud owner of a blog. I research topics related to mental health and personal improvement, and I write articles. I am also studying to become a certified life and wellness coach.

I studied textile design in high school but went to study law in college. I have MA in law but became an artist (I have always been a creative person). I was an artist, but now I am running a wellness blog and studying to become a life coach. I am 48 now. It is never late to start a new career, a hobby, or go back to school. 

. . .

I am not sure how helpful hearing my story was, but I wanted to share it with you and show you that you will find your calling. The “crazy” ladies were right. We go through seasons in our lives. I am sure you will find your way back to yourself again.

There is one thing that I can suggest to help you find what you want to do next. It seems to me that you haven’t made up your mind about the direction you want to take.

In January, I started journaling as part of a self-help book on creativity. In the process, my mind cleared off, and I saw a clear direction to what I wanted to do and what I was passionate about. Perhaps, you might consider exploring this and journaling for a month or two. You can read about my experience with journaling and how it helped me here.

If you would like to talk to someone about what you are going through, send me a pm. I would love to speak with you and maybe grab a cup of coffee if you want to meet.

I wish you all the best in your self-discovery journey. It is scary at times with many uncertainties, but it is also an exciting journey.”

The Response

After I posted my response, I received messages from women living in self-doubt, mothers who felt they had lost their identity, and women who thought they had no options for career development outside their homes. All of these mothers loved and treasured the time they spent as full-time moms. However, when it came to joining the workforce they found themselves being rejected. 

Many of the women are qualified and experienced in their line of work, but when they apply for new jobs they don’t end up on the preferred candidates’ lists. A large number of employers would choose a candidate who has been laid off from a previous job over a candidate who spent a few years at home raising their children.

Society praises mothers who invest their time and effort into raising their kids. We are constantly told of the importance of parental presence in a child’s upbringing – often pushing us to dedicate all of our time to our children. When it comes time for society to support stay-at-home mothers in their return to the workforce, however, minimal support systems can be found.

There is much to be done in this area – both in helping provide stay-at-home mothers with the resources to return to the workplace and rebuild their self-confidence and in providing support once they re-enter. As someone who has experienced these struggles myself, I am planning to further explore the reasons for this disconnect and to find tips from experts on how we can improve the support systems provided for this group.

What’s Next

In the meantime, there are a few things stay home mothers (and fathers) can do to prepare for a better outcome: 

• Building a support system
• Build confidence
• Learn new skills to level up with the current trends and job requirements. There are many websites offering a countless number of online courses on pretty much any subject. Some of these sites are Udemy.com, Corsera.com, CentreOfExcellence.com, etc. Most of the colleges also offer online courses and certification programs.

I wrote this post as a message of support to the mothers struggling to reconnect to the corporate world. To the struggling parents, you are not alone, don’t suffer quietly at home. Talk to other parents in the same situation, talk to friends, and believe that you will find your next calling. 

To the ones who have been there before, talk about your experience and encourage the ones coming behind you. Give support and encouragement!

We rise by lifting others.
―Robert Ingersoll

You Are Never Too Old

To the women who think they are too old to start a new thing, I want to share a quote from Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor’s, new book, “The Gift.” She discusses her experience with going back to do her master’s in psychology at the age of 45. Her supervisor encouraged her to go back to study. She said she had doubts about going back to school due to her age, as she would be 50 by the time she received her degree. In response, her supervisor said, “You’ll be 50 anyway”.

People often feel that they are too old to start something new, that they will be 30, 40, 50+ years old by the time they learn a new skill. Age is just a number. We can’t control it. What we can control is what we do with the time we have.

Conclusion

Explore what you want to do, what you want to learn, and how you want to see your life in the future. Find the resources and the support you need and do it. Do it now. The only person who can change your life is you.

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
―Chinese Proverb

As I wrote in my Facebook message if you would like to talk to someone about what you are going through, send me a message.

I offer a free 1-hour discovery session for new clients. I would love to talk to you and help you get on the road to becoming the best version of yourself. I would love to speak with you. We might not be able to meet face to face for a cup of coffee, but we can have a digital Zoom one. 

~

I am here for you!

* The post talks about mothers going back to work because the original post was published to a women’s group. However, I know that the process can be equally challenging for all stay-at-home parents.